To Hold Forever Read online

  Rodney squeezed her hand. "Nothing to worry about there. Anyone related to you can't be bad, darling."

  The endearment caught Amanda off guard. She was ready to find out more about this mystery man. "So, sis. What brings you out here? I thought we were going to go see you next week."

  "I know. But I couldn't wait any longer. Rodney and I have wonderful news." She turned and gazed at him for a long moment. "We're engaged."

  Amanda's jaw dropped. "Engaged? I didn't know you were even seeing anyone."

  "Actually, we've been together for several months. Last week Rodney asked me to marry him."

  Lex was about to say something, but a small cry coming from the nearby baby monitor caught her attention. She stood immediately. "If you folks will excuse me, I'll be back in a minute." She stepped from the room without another word.

  "Aren't you happy for us, Mandy?" Jeannie took a sip from her glass. "After all, wasn't it you who told me I needed to get on with my life?" She remembered all too clearly her sister's comments from the year before. "You were right, you know. I would have never gotten better if it hadn't been for that."

  The coffee table was suddenly quite interesting to Amanda. She had trouble meeting her sister's eyes. Now that Jeannie had found someone to spend her life with, Amanda was afraid she'd want her daughter, too. "Of course. I'm thrilled for you." She looked up, but focused on a point over Jeannie's head. "Congratulations."

  Childlike chattering brought everyone's attention to the doorway. Lex walked into the room, with Lorrie sitting on her shoulders. "Sorry about that, everyone. Somebody woke up from her nap." She cringed when the toddler pulled her hair. "Lorrie, cut that out." She sat next to Amanda, who relieved her of her burden.

  "Come here, you." Amanda kissed Lorrie's cheek.

  Rodney's eyes widened. "Is that her?" he asked his fiancée.

  "Yes." Jeannie handed him her glass and got to her feet. She went to stand in front of Amanda, and held out her arms. "Come to mama, sweetie."

  Lorrie immediately locked her arms around Amanda's neck in a stranglehold. She had never gotten used to Jeannie, even though she'd visited her at the rehabilitation center a few times. "No." When Jeannie tried to pull her away, she screamed and held on tighter. "Manny!"

  "What's the matter with her? She's acting like a spoiled brat." Jeannie gave up the battle, stepping back and placing her hands on her hips. "What have you been teaching my daughter, Amanda? Have you been telling her bad things about me?"

  Lex rubbed the child's back with one hand, while she placed her closest arm around Amanda. "That's ridiculous. She just woke up, and she's not very comfortable around strangers."

  "Strangers? For God's sake, Lex. She's my daughter." Jeannie took a step forward, which caused Lorrie to whimper again.

  "Leave her alone, Jeannie. There's no sense in tormenting the child," Rodney interjected.

  Jeannie returned to her seat. "But I'm her mother. There's no good reason to act like that."

  Amanda ran her fingers through Lorrie's wispy hair, which further settled the child down. "You may have given birth to her, but you've never shown an interest in her, and she knows that."

  "Well, she needs to get used to me. Especially since--"

  "Wex." Lorrie leaned over and grabbed Lex's shirt. "Mine."

  Lex allowed the young girl to climb into her lap. "That's right, kiddo. I'm yours." She glanced over Lorrie's head at the couple on the loveseat. "Especially since what?"

  Jeannie looked at Rodney, who nodded. "Especially since I'm three months along with her little brother or sister."

  "You're what?" Amanda stood. "But you've never had anything to do with your daughter. I didn't think you were even interested in children."

  "I know." Jeannie rubbed her belly. "But Rodney and I are looking forward to our family. That's another reason I wanted to talk to you today."

  Amanda imagined the unspoken words. Her greatest fear was coming true. Jeannie had returned to take Lorrie away from them. As tears welled up in her eyes, Amanda spun and raced from the room.

  Lex put her arms around Lorrie and stood. "I'll be right back."

  "Would you like to leave her with us? I'd love to get acquainted with her." Rodney put his arm around his fiancé. "I'm pretty good with children."

  Before Lex could even take a step, Lorrie started to cry. "Want Manny."

  "I think Lorrie and I will both go check on Amanda. Excuse us." Lex carried Lorrie from the room.

  THE SOUND OF SLAMMING cabinets led Lex to the kitchen. Even with Amanda's back to her she could tell her lover was crying. "Amanda?"

  "I can't do it." Amanda turned away from the counter. Tears fell freely from her eyes. "There's no way I can sit in there and listen to my sister brag about what a wonderful mother she's going to be. What's to say she'll treat this baby any better than Lorrie? My God, Lex. She's never shown an interest in this precious little girl. How could she be so callous?"

  Lex brought Lorrie closer. The toddler sleepily reached for Amanda, who immediately took her into her arms. "I don't know, sweetheart. Maybe being pregnant again has brought out maternal feelings in her."

  "But she acts like she wants Lorrie. How can we allow that?" Amanda rocked side to side, holding the child close.

  "She hasn't said she wants Lorrie. Only that she's engaged and expecting another baby. Maybe that's all she's here for."

  Amanda's expression hardened. "I'll fight her, Lex. There's no way I'm giving up this sweet child to someone who's never loved her."

  "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

  "Comes to what?" Jeannie asked from the doorway.

  Lex turned and tried to give her a reassuring smile. "Nothing. We were on our way to the den." She glanced over her shoulder. "Right?"

  "Sure." Amanda forced a calmer look onto her face. "How long will you be staying in town, Jeannie?"

  "We were planning on stopping in to see dad, and Gramma and Grandpa. We'll probably be staying with them."

  "Good," Amanda muttered under her breath.

  "What?"

  Amanda inhaled deeply. "I said, good. I know they'll love to see you." She glared at Lex, daring her to say differently.

  Jeannie followed them. "There is something else I'd like to discuss."

  "Oh?" Amanda fought to keep control of her emotions. She didn't want to upset Lorrie, who was playing with her necklace.

  Rodney stood as they entered. "Is everything all right?"

  "I was about to talk to Lex and Amanda about Lorrie." Jeannie went and put her arm around his. She waited until the two women were seated. "Seeing her makes what I have to say much easier."

  Lex swallowed the heavy lump in her throat. "And what is it you want to tell us?"

  "It's about what I think is best for my daughter, Lex. I thought it would be easier to discuss this in person, rather than on the phone."

  "Dammit, Jeannie. Would you spit it out?" Amanda's imagination was running rampant, and she feared the worst.

  "Fine. Rodney and I talked about this at length, and we both think it would be in Lorrie's best interest if she was in a home where she was loved."

  Amanda fought the tears that were threatening to fall. "She's extremely loved here, Jeannie. Or maybe you're conveniently forgetting that."

  "No, I'm not." Jeannie moved away from Rodney, so she could stand in front of Amanda. She reached down and lightly touched the toddler's head. "I know you and Lex have been imposed on for these last couple of years, having to take in a baby that wasn't even yours."

  "It wasn't an imposition," Lex interrupted. "It was a labor of love." She put her arm around Amanda and pulled her and Lorrie closer to her. "We've never regretted one second of it, Jeannie. She's brought so much into our life."

  Jeannie pulled her hand away from Lorrie. "I'm glad you feel that way, Lex. Like I said, Rodney and I deliberated over this for a while now. As much as I love Lorrie, I know you've given her a good home, and that's very important. But it's also important
for a child to be with its mother."

  "What are you saying?" Amanda began to shake. Her greatest nightmare was coming true.

  "I'm saying that, even though I gave birth to her, Lorrie doesn't know me at all. You two are the only parents she's ever known. Rodney and I think our family should start with this little one, here." Jeannie rubbed her abdomen again. "Would you have a problem with adopting Lorrie? I know it was supposed to only be until I got on my feet, but she's obviously very happy here."

  Lex wiped at her eyes. "Does this mean you want to give up your rights as her mother?"

  "Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Come on, Slim. You don't actually think I'm heartless enough to drag a child away from her family, do you?"

  "Damn, Jeannie. You almost gave me a heart attack." Lex stood and moved to embrace her sister-in-law. "We'd be honored to raise Lorrie. She's already so deep into our hearts, I don't know what we'd do without her." She put her mouth next to Jeannie's ear. "Thank you."

  Amanda got to her feet. "Are you absolutely sure about this?"

  "Completely." Jeannie gestured to her fiancé. "Show them, Roddie."

  Rodney reached into his interior jacket pocket and brought out several sheets of paper. He handed the documents to Lex. "These are already signed and notarized. There's also a set in there that you two need to fill out, in order to take legal custody."

  "I can't believe this." Amanda looked down into the child's face. "Guess what, honey? You're here for good." She raised her head so that she could lock eyes with her sister. "I don't know what to say."

  Jeannie leaned in to kiss Amanda's cheek. "Just say you'll raise her to be half as good a person as you. That's all I ask."

  "We'll do our best." With that, Amanda felt her torn heart heal.

  THE ONLY LIGHT in the room was from the moon that shone through the bedroom windows. Lex lay on her side, with her head propped on her hand. Amanda mirrored her position with the sleeping child between them. "Look at her, not a care in the world." Lex's gaze tracked upward to meet her lover's. "Can you believe this day? I'm still in shock over what Jeannie did."

  "Me, too. I want to file those papers first thing Monday, in case she decides to change her mind." Amanda traced Lorrie's face with her finger. "How could anyone desert such an angel?"

  "I think it's like Jeannie said. She knows Lorrie is happy here, and she's very well loved. Why would she want to ruin that?"

  Amanda leaned across the baby and kissed Lex. "I know I'm very happy here. You've given me everything I could ever want." She ran her hand through her partner's hair, which touched the top of Lex's shoulders. "I love your hair."

  "Thanks." Lex took Amanda's hand and brought it to her lips. She kissed the palm, which elicited a moan from Amanda.

  "Maybe we should rethink having Lorrie with us tonight."

  "I can always put her in her room," Lex offered, although her heart wasn't in it. "She's sleeping so hard, I don't think a train could wake her up."

  "No, that's all right. I think I want her to stay, so when I open my eyes in the morning, I'll realize it wasn't a dream." She noticed the sad look on Lex's face. "What's the matter?"

  "Hmm?" Lex blinked, and the look was gone. "I guess I was thinking about the doctor's appointment next week. I wish you didn't have to go through that again."

  "Are you saying you don't want a baby with me?"

  Lex shook her head. "No, of course not. I want that with all my heart. It's hard seeing you put through so many medical tests and procedures. I wish it was the one thing I could give you."

  Amanda interlocked their free hands. "I'm glad you can't."

  "What?"

  "Look at it this way. If you had the right equipment to give me a baby, then we wouldn't be together." Amanda wiggled her eyebrows. "I happen to love your parts."

  The teasing tone in Amanda's voice caused Lex to laugh. "Thanks, I think." She squeezed Amanda's hand, and they both settled down in bed. "I happen to be very fond of your parts, too."

  "I'm glad. And, when we're alone again, I'll show you how glad I am."

  "I can't wait." Lex stretched forward so she was able to place a light kiss on Lorrie's head. "Goodnight, little one." Her eyes glinted with humor. "Oh, and you too, Lorrie."

  "I'll have to think of a good way to get you for that one."

  "You can try." Lex brought their linked hands to her lips and kissed Amanda's fingers. "Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you." Her eyes closed, and she was asleep almost before finishing her sentence.

  "Sleep well, love."

  Chapter Three

  PACE. PACE. PACE. Turn. Pace. Pace. Pace. Turn. Pace. Pace.

  "Ms. Walters?" A small woman stood inside the open door.

  Lex spun around. "Yes?"

  "They're ready for you in room two. If you'll follow me, please." The woman, dressed in teal-colored scrubs, led her down the bright and narrow hallway. She paused at a nondescript white door, and knocked. When she received a positive response, she opened the door and waved Lex inside.

  Amanda, dressed in a cotton hospital gown, turned her head from where she lay on the table. "Hi, honey."

  "Hey, there." Lex went to stand by Amanda's head. "How'd everything go?" She took Amanda's hand in hers, brought it up to her lips, and kissed it.

  Over by the sink, a short, gray-haired doctor turned to face them. After writing his notes on Amanda's chart, he smiled at the couple. "Your partner is doing very well, Ms. Walters. As I told her a few moments ago, I don't think we're going to have any trouble at all. We already have your chosen donor's sperm here at our facility. Due to the timing, we should be able to inseminate any day now."

  "That soon?" It wasn't that Lex didn't want Amanda to become pregnant, but she wanted to have time to prepare herself. Their trip today was only supposed to be so that the doctor could give Amanda a thorough exam and discuss their options. The way he was speaking, they'd have to stay in town for a few days. "Is there anything special we have to do?"

  "No. I've suggested to Amanda that she do a LH surge test twice a day."

  The term was something Lex had not heard. "What is that? Our other doctor had her use a thermometer, to check her basal body temperature. Does she need to come to your office for this other test?"

  "Monitoring the BBT is less accurate. One of the ways I like to pinpoint the time of ovulation is by identifying the LH surge. It's a hormone that prompts ovulation. It can be detected by testing the urine twice a day, with a home testing kit. If the level of LH is increased, ovulation should occur within thirty-six hours. All you have to do is call when you're ready." He shook Lex's free hand. "Amanda should take it easy for the next few days. Excessive physical activity can cause inaccurate readings in the test. But, it won't hurt to do A little sightseeing. Try to enjoy yourselves while you're here."

  "We will. Thank you, Dr. Hamilton." Lex waited until he left the room before she helped Amanda sit up. "Let me grab your clothes, and we'll go have a bite to eat."

  Amanda swung her legs over the side of the table. "That sounds great. Do you think we can take in the Aquarium today? It's on my list of want-to's, and it shouldn't be too stressful."

  "Sure thing, sweetheart, as long as you're the navigator. I always get turned around when I'm here."

  "I CAN'T BELIEVE all the different types of birds and reptiles they had at the aquarium." They had finished their tour of the Dallas World Aquarium, and were now sitting in a nearby restaurant. Amanda waved her French fry in the air to punctuate her point. "I think my favorite was all the different types of Toucans. Their bills were so colorful, it looked almost like someone painted them."

  Lex took a bite of her steak, chewed, and swallowed. "I know what you mean. Although, did you see the size of that crocodile? He was as big as one of our horses."

  "No kidding. I could certainly have done without the snakes, though. They were creepy."

  "Yeah. I was always taught that the only good snake is a dead snake. The monkeys were cool." Lex snitched a fry f
rom Amanda's plate. "Those with the little white mustaches were cute."

  Amanda slapped at Lex's hand. "Hey, watch it." She picked up another fry and offered it to her partner. "Here, piggy."

  "Thanks." Lex smirked. Then she accepted and chewed the offering. "What do you want to do next?"

  "Why don't we head to the hotel? We can always take in a movie later." Amanda wanted to heed the doctor's orders. "Besides, it's afternoon, so I can do one of the tests."

  Lex blinked. "Uh, sure." She could feel her stomach turn and hoped that her lunch didn't make a return appearance. The reality of what they were trying to do hit her hard, and Lex was feeling nervous about the outcome. She wanted Amanda to be happy, but she couldn't help but think about the dangers of pregnancy.

  "What's the matter? Aren't you ready for this?"

  "Of course I am. I guess I'm a little nervous, that's all." Lex placed her napkin on the table.

  Amanda mimicked Lex, and pushed away from the table. "I don't know what you're so nervous about. It's done every day."

  "I know. I'm just worried about you." Lex placed enough cash on the table to cover their meal, and the tip. "Come on. I think I saw an ice cream place close to the hotel."

  Following her lover, Amanda couldn't help but frown. This was the first time Lex had mentioned anything negative about her wanting to get pregnant, and she was concerned. The last thing she wanted to do was upset her. She resolved to have a nice, long chat with Lex once they were in their room.

  LATER THAT EVENING, Amanda stretched out on the king-size bed in their hotel room and waited patiently for Lex to get out of the shower. She leafed through the television magazine to see what was on the pay-per-view channels. When the door to the bathroom opened, she placed the booklet on the bed beside her. "I found something you might like."

  "What?" Lex fluffed her hair dry with a towel. "Why is it that no matter what kind of place you stay at, none of them have ever heard of fabric softener?"

  "I think it's so you don't get too comfortable and want to live here." Amanda picked up the journal again. "Which would you rather see? A comedy, action flick, or love story?"