To Hold Forever Read online

  To Hold Forever

  Copyright © 2008 by Carrie Carr

  Acknowledgments

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  About the Author

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  To Hold Forever

  by

  Carrie Carr

  Copyright © 2008 by Carrie Carr

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. The characters, incidents and dialogue herein are fictional and any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  ISBN 978-1-935053-88-0 (eBook)

  eBook Conversion January 2012

  First Printing 2008

  987654321

  Cover design by Donna Pawlowski

  Published by:

  Regal Crest Enterprises, LLC

  3520 Avenue H

  Port Arthur, Texas 77627

  Find us on the World Wide Web at http://www.regalcrest.biz

  Published in the United States of America

  Acknowledgments

  There were storylines in this book which were new and definitely out of my comfort zone, and I had a lot of help along the way. Some of the best ideas came from my wife, Jan, who never complained about all my questions about pregnancy. I'd like to thank Judy for being my technical advisor for child development. My deep appreciation goes to my beta reader Tena, who trudged through the first draft bravely. My editor, Ruta, who seems to know the characters better than I do--it was a true pleasure working with you. Kudos to the artistic talent of Donna Pawlowski whose covers rock. And, as always, thank you to Cathy who never complains when Lex and Amanda "tap" me on the shoulder.

  To my mom, who has unceasingly cheered me on--thank you! I wouldn't be where I am today without you.

  And, most of all, to my greatest supporter and best friend, my wife, Jan. Thank you for always being there for me. Forever and always, my love.

  To Hold Forever

  by

  Carrie Carr

  Chapter One

  HEAVY STEPS ON the back porch echoed loudly. The thick, wooden door opened and quickly shut behind Lexington Walters. Rain water dripped from her drenched black hat and duster as she struggled to remove the soaked items.

  At the sound of rapidly moving feet Lex looked up in time to intercept a damp, naked toddler. "Hold on there, lil' bit. Give me a chance to catch my breath."

  "Me want up!" the tiny dynamo demanded, raising her arms.

  Lex hung her hat up next to the coat and squatted to the child's level. She scooped her up in her arms and kissed her dark head. "Where's everyone?"

  "Lorrie, come back here. You know better than--" Amanda Cauble-Walters stood outside the doorway to the downstairs bathroom, fluffy towel in hand. "Looks like you could use one of these, too."

  "Yep. It's coming down in buckets out there." The late-July downpour had been a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. The ranch hadn't fully recovered from the previous year's drought. Lex shifted Lorrie until she was able to prop her on one hip. She took the towel from her partner and wrapped it around the squirming child. "Stay still, kiddo. I'll be done in a minute, then you can get down and terrorize the house some more."

  A little over two and a half, Lorrie ran everywhere, keeping both aunts busier than they expected. Her mother, Amanda's sister Jeannie, had gone to a rehabilitation clinic in Austin to regain her strength not long after Lorrie was born. She'd actually started in a smaller place in Somerville but didn't feel she was making enough progress, so she moved. They had agreed to keep the baby with them so that Jeannie could concentrate on recovering from the stroke that incapacitated her after Lorrie's birth.

  Lorrie pulled Lex's wet hair. "Uck." Now that she had greeted Lex, she leaned as far as she could toward Amanda. "Manny," Lorrie grunted, as she stretched her short arms out.

  "I see how I rate." Lex handed her cargo to Amanda. "How was your day, besides busy?" She followed Amanda to the bathroom and watched her struggle to put Lorrie in pajamas.

  "That's pretty much it. I don't think I was ever this worn out, even when I worked late at the office." Amanda was on leave of absence from Sunflower Realty, where she was the office manager. "This little dynamo ran me ragged today." Her job finished, Amanda tickled Lorrie's foot.

  The child giggled and squirmed until Amanda set her on the floor. She immediately held her arms in the air. "Wex, up!"

  Lex rolled her eyes, but dutifully grasped the toddler under the armpits and lifted her high in the air. "Is this what you wanted, kiddo?" A high-pitched squeal answered her, so Lex spun in a slow circle, while holding Lorrie over her head.

  "If you get her stirred up, you have to try to put her to bed," Amanda threatened. It was after seven in the evening, which was about the time their young charge went down for the night.

  "Ossie, Wex. Ossie!" Lorrie commanded. Her wish was granted when her aunt placed her behind her head, with Lorrie's chubby legs draped to each side of her neck. She grabbed a handful of Lex's damp hair and kicked her feet. "Go!"

  Lex galloped to the stairs, using both hands to hold Lorrie close. "Hang on. We're heading to bed, Lorrie." She took the stairs slowly, bouncing a little on each step much to the child's delight.

  Martha stepped out of the kitchen when she heard the noise. She shook her head at Lex's antics. "I swear, I don't know which one is the bigger kid."

  "I know what you mean. I had no idea Lex would enjoy having a child in the house as much as she does. She's so good with Lorrie." Amanda's voice softened. "I want to give her that, Martha. I know she loves Lorrie, but I want to give her a baby of our own."

  "Maybe the next time will be the charm, honey."

  "Possibly. Two failures aren't the end of the world. We've got an appointment next week, this time in Dallas. I didn't like the doctor in Austin. He was so impersonal, and I thought Lex was going to deck him when he kept asking where my husband was."

  Martha put her arm around Amanda's waist. "It's going to work out. I have a good feeling about this one."

  Amanda leaned into Martha, until her head was on the other woman's shoulder. "I hope so. I don't think I can handle much more disappointment. I didn't want to tell Lex, but I got a phone call today from my sister. She's coming for a visit this weekend, and I'm afraid she'll want to take Lorrie with her."

  "Did she specifically say? Although I know she hasn't been out to the ranch since she's been in rehab, I can't see her wanting to take Lorrie away."

  "Not in so many words, no. She did tell me she had a su
rprise to share, and seemed very excited about it." Amanda could still hear Lex and Lorrie upstairs. "Great. Now it sounds like they're singing. We'll never get her to sleep at this rate." She started for the stairway, until she was stopped by Martha's gentle grasp of her arm. "What?"

  "No sense in borrowing trouble. Let's wait and see what your sister has to say before we get all riled over nothing. Maybe she's decided to move to Somerville."

  Amanda closed her eyes and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "You're right. I'm afraid of what losing Lorrie would do to Lex. And to me."

  The housekeeper let go of Amanda. "Forgive me for saying so, but I don't think Jeannie wants to be tied down with a child. She's been well enough for over a year to take that baby, and she hasn't done it. I believe she's more than happy with the arrangement you have."

  "As far as I'm concerned, Lorrie is our daughter. She doesn't even know who her mother is. The few times we've taken her to see Jeannie, my sister is so detached from her. She's never bonded with Lorrie, and hasn't held her since she was an infant." Amanda started up the steps. "I'll tell Lex tonight about the phone call. I don't want her to be blindsided by Jeannie's visit."

  AMANDA STOOD IN the doorway of the former guestroom, which had been converted to a nursery. It was directly across the hall from the master suite, and Lex had spared no expense in decorating it for their niece. A colorful strip of cartoon characters ran across the middle of the walls, accenting their pale yellow color. The crib was made of light oak, as was the matching rocker, chest of drawers, and changing table.

  Lex sat in the rocker, singing softly to Lorrie. She had changed into boxer shorts and a tee shirt, although her hair was still damp. The little girl's eyes were closed, yet her right foot kicked, almost in time to the song. Upon feeling Amanda's presence, Lex looked up with a tender smile on her face. "Hey, there." Her voice was low and she never stopped her rocking.

  "Hi." Amanda stepped farther into the room, her gaze never leaving her lover's. "Looks like you finally got her to sleep."

  "Yep. Although the hardest part is letting her go and putting her in her crib." Lex looked down at the child in her arms. "She's adorable, isn't she?"

  Amanda nodded, too choked up to answer. The thought of losing the toddler to an indifferent Jeannie was almost too much to bear.

  "What's the matter?"

  "Nothing. I can't believe how much she's grown. It won't be long before she'll need a real bed." Amanda walked over and lightly played with Lorrie's hair. She couldn't get over how much the child resembled Lex, although her eyes were gray instead of dark blue.

  Lex lifted the toddler so Amanda could hold her. "It seems like only yesterday she was a tiny baby. Where does the time go?" She watched as Amanda kissed the tot's forehead and laid her in her crib. "Why are you crying?"

  "I heard from Jeannie today. She's planning on visiting this weekend."

  "Really? That's great. She's okay, isn't she?" Lex stood and moved next to the crib.

  Amanda put one arm around her lover and placed her head on Lex's chest. "She's fine. She told me she had a surprise, and I'm worried about what it could be."

  "You're afraid she's coming for Lorrie, aren't you?" Lex wrapped her arms around Amanda. "She hasn't cared so far. I don't see any reason for her to change."

  "My mind tells me you're right, but my heart is saying another thing altogether." Amanda sniffled when she felt a light kiss on the top of her head. "I couldn't stand it if we lost her, Lex. She's too precious to me."

  Lex rubbed Amanda's back in a soothing pattern. "We can't think that way. We'll end up going crazy if we do." She tugged her lover away from the sleeping child. "Let's go. I think we could both use a snuggle."

  LEX CURSED AS she slipped through the mud. In the short walk from the jeep to the corral she had almost fallen several times. There was a small part of her that wanted it to be raining so she could stay inside with Amanda and Lorrie. Her partner was still worried about her sister's upcoming visit, and nothing Lex did made her feel any better.

  "Hey, boss." Roy Wilson, foreman of the Rocking W Ranch, waved from the corral fence. "You're just in time. Chet's about to bring out that new little filly he's been working with."

  Lex stood beside him. She mirrored his stance, crossing her arms over the top rail and propping her chin on her hands. "Is she turning out to be half as good as she looks?"

  "I think you'll be pleased with the results." Roy pushed his western hat up on the back of his head and rubbed where the band had been. "You made a real good deal with Chuck Bice, offering Thunder's services for one of the foals. I don't think that stud will throw any bad ones." He noticed that his employer was unusually quiet. "Is something bothering you, Lex?" She was silent for so long, he wasn't sure she would answer.

  "I don't know." Waiting for Chet and the horse to arrive, she turned her head, resting her cheek on her arms. "Do you ever wonder if there's more to life than what you're doing?"

  He gave the question serious thought. "You mean, like doing something else?"

  "Yeah."

  "Well, sure. I think we all have, at one time or another."

  "What would you do, if you weren't foreman here?"

  Roy scratched his jaw. "You'll probably think it's funny."

  Lex raised her head, so that her complete attention was now on him. "Try me."

  "You know I've spent nearly my whole adult life here on the ranch." At her nod, he continued. "It's always been a dream of mine to have my own little spread. Nothing on this scale, just a few dozen head of cattle, and a decent place to hang my hat."

  Lex leaned against the corral, draping one arm over the top rail. "Why haven't you said something before?"

  He dropped his gaze and kicked at the drying mud. "Like I said, it's only a dream. I could never afford something like that."

  To give Roy time to get his feelings under control, Lex returned to her previous position. "Don't give up your dreams, my friend."

  Roy looked up at her profile. She seemed sad. "I--I won't."

  They both stood silent as the ranch hand led the dark horse into the corral. She was saddled and appeared comfortable with the extra weight on her back. Lex ducked between the rails. She slowly moved toward the animal until she was standing next to Chet. "You've done a nice job with her, Chet."

  "Thanks, Lex. She was one of the easiest horses to saddle train I've ever worked with." He patted the animal's neck. "Why don't you climb up? I think she's ready for a test run."

  For the first time since she left the house that morning, Lex smiled. "I think I will." She gathered up the reins and swung herself up onto the saddle. The horse stepped sideways, but was quickly brought under control by its rider. "Whoa, girl. Take it easy." Lex waited until the filly stilled. She lightly touched her heels to the horse's flank, and used her legs to guide her forward. "That's it. Nice and slow."

  Chet climbed through the wooden slats to stand next to Roy. They both quietly watched as Lex put the new horse through its paces.

  Chapter Two

  AMANDA PACED ANXIOUSLY around the living room. Jeannie called earlier to say she was on her way, but she still gave no clue about her reason for coming. She alluded once again to her surprise. The uncertainty of it all kept Amanda on pins and needles.

  "It's going to be fine." Lex hated seeing her so upset. Truth be told, her own fears had kept her awake the previous night. She had no idea what Jeannie had to say, and the ball of worry in the pit of her stomach had turned into a boulder. "Why don't you come sit next to me? You're going to wear yourself out."

  "I can't. I'm afraid if I get too still, I'll throw up." Amanda paused long enough to peek through the curtains in the front windows. "Finally! There's a car coming down the driveway." She readjusted the material and headed for the hallway. Moments later, Lex was by her side, opening the front door.

  Lex was momentarily stunned when she came face-to-face with a man, who stood next to a beaming Jeannie. "Uh, hello."

  Jean
nie linked her arm with his. The large smile that graced her delicate features spoke of her happiness. "Well? Are we going to stand on the porch all day, or are you letting us in?"

  "I'm sorry. Of course." Lex stepped back and held the door open wider. "Why don't we all go into the den?" She exchanged looks with Amanda as the newcomers walked ahead of them.

  Amanda recovered from her shock at seeing her sister so intimate with a man she'd never seen before. "Would you like some coffee? I believe there's a fresh pot in the kitchen."

  He shook his head and spoke for the first time. "Actually, we'll both take juice, if you have some."

  "Sure." Lex patted Amanda on the back. "Sweetheart?"

  "Coffee, please." Amanda waited until Lex left the room before taking a spot on the dark leather sofa.

  The three maintained an uncomfortable silence until Lex returned with a tray. "I hope apple juice is okay. It's Lorrie's favorite at the moment, so it's all we have."

  "That's great." Jeannie took both glasses from the tray and handed one to the man next to her. She watched as her sister-in-law shakily placed the tray on the coffee table. "I'm sorry, I don't know where my manners are. Guys, this is Rodney Crews. He's a doctor at the rehabilitation center. Rodney, this is my sister, Amanda and her partner, Lex."

  Rodney nodded to the couple. "It's great to finally meet you. Jeannie's told me so much about you, I feel as if I know you already."

  "I hope it wasn't all bad." Lex couldn't help but rib Jeannie. Their relationship had always been based on mutual affection, with a large dose of teasing tossed in.

  Jeannie laughed and shook her finger at Lex. "No, not all of it. I didn't want to scare Rodney off before he got a chance to meet you."